Revered cult games themselves are an easy trip, although you wouldn’t think it. They’re ubiquitous, sure enough – you could take one of the shoddiest, most mishandled games ever produced and still somehow find a small cadre of acolytes dedicated to erasing the slander levied upon their Golden Calf by what they perceive to be the misguided gaming hoi-polloi. Cult games don’t necessarily have to be crap; maybe they didn’t sell well or didn’t garner those sexy 8-and-up review scores. Anything can be cult as long as it’s not successful.
The following exhibits reside in a hard-luck bubble, though – the anti-cult games. These are games that actually got great scores and accolades from various agents of the gaming press, but still sold for shit. Well, fine, a lot of vaunted cult games match that profile. Beyond Good and Evil, Hotel Dusk, Zack and Wiki are all poster children for the beloved cult game archetype. But there’s the rub: “beloved.” Remembered. And the games on this list don’t even have that going for them. They’re the promising bud of a young franchise scorned by an extremely insular public that would not have them. And now they’re bitter as all hell, staring at you and your indifference from beneath a shear veil of disdain and rage (and maybe a jaunty hat shaped like a rooster comb.)
JLH: The Flash
The reasons for people looking over this one are pretty obvious. It doesn’t even bear mentioning that the general public still regard comics as cultural botulism and sticking a non-movie comic property onto anything sold in a Wal-Mart that isn’t a fucking t-shirt is going to be guaranteed losses. Then we have your average gamer cynicism versus licensed games, which made sure that any potential narrowcast appeal toward the hardcore folded in on itself like Chunk (10 points if you get the reference!) This is all compounded with the fact (not notion, fact – over 100 people believe it, so it must be true) that the console game it was supposed to support – Justice League Heroes – was a live abortion that preceded the The Flash, thereby preemptively dashing the brand’s rep.
What you missed out on:
“You see me NOW, you jive-ass motherfuckahhhhhhhhh”
While you can file this game directly under the traditionalist Beat ‘Em Up category (think walking right-to-left while punching all manner of mook and eating foodstuffs off the ground), it brings a twist to the party: the Flash doesn’t walk from left-to-right. He doesn’t walk, period. He’s, you know, the goddamn Flash. He RUNS; specifically, he runs up to each guy he seeks to make an impression on and dots their eyes before they can even think about blinking. Punch, punch, run, run, done, done. It’s a nifty spin on a classic play mechanic that turns what might have been an average Beat ‘Em Up into a speedy throwdown with elements of spatial reasoning thrown in. If you’re a nostalgia whore like me, you’d be remiss in overlooking it. Really, you’re punching things at light speed. How could you even pass that up now, knowing this?
Boktai: The Sun is In Your Hand
“Wow, what’s that? It looks pretty slick.”
“This is Boktai. You play a pubert gunslinger who does battle with the undead in a spaghetti-Western fantasy wasteland.”
“Rich Tuppence a Bag, that sounds awesome!”
“Yeah, and you know what else? It’s designed by Hideo Kojima. As in, ‘Metal Gear Solid’ Hideo Kojima.”
“Dayyuuumn! And what’s that little sensor thing hanging off the bottom of the cartridge? What’s that do?”
“Well, since you have to play it out in the sun…”
“THE SUN! THE WRETCHED SOUL-STAR THAT GIVES LIFE AND LIGHT TO THIS ACCURSED WORLD?! SSCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCHH”
What you missed out on:
As if this wasn’t sufficiently proven by my past verbal ejaculate, I effing love this series. Biblically. I’m man enough to admit that I have had intimate relations with my GBA because of Boktai, although I no longer refer to my Game Boy with such puerile nomenclature; he is now a Game Man. Yeah, there’s some startling blackmail material for you.
While the solar sensor factors heavily into Boktai’s play, it does so parenthetically (save for the boss battles, which actually must be done during the day.) What the sensor does is allow the sun to dictate environmental data, simulating factors like cloud-cover and how much direct sunlight enters interior spaces. Also, your weapons are powered by sunlight. However, you will find other ways of managing scenarios throughout the course of the game (Solar Banks hello) that render this solar dependency moot. And that’s the foundation of what makes the Boktai series so awesome: many strategies for a single mission. Boktai requires more of its players than a willingness to grind for sunlight - be sneaky, be aggressive or be smart. The game’s format lies somewhere between adventure and surreptitious puzzle game, and these attitudes conspire to get the left, right and lizard parts of your brain gleefully working in conjunction. And it’s frustrating to think that something as innocuous as sunlight is what kept the series from being successful, and also what kept the third game from being released over here.
Lock’s Quest
Lock’s Quest got good reviews to beat the band, but didn’t sell and is not really a legacy in the current gaming stratosphere. Now how the hell did that happen? 5th Cell is a hot developer, so it ought to have notoriety among the hardcores. Just as well, Lock’s Quest is a variation of popular Tower Defense genre (however loath I am to call it this, for reasons I’ll explain below) – how did the casual audience not get all hot and bothered about it? Add this to the myriad options, play modes and sheer content that 5th Cell was able to stuff into this tiny cartridge, wouldn’t the sheer bulk value of this title have been able to do anything for the sales?
I have one theory as to why this one didn’t play in Peoria; it’s cockamamie but being that it’s the only thing I’ve been able to extract from my rectum at the moment, I’m going to just go ahead and lay it out: Brutal Legend syndrome. We all know what Brutal Legend is, right? It was a game that’s earned notoriety for supposedly dressing up in sheep’s clothing – rather, the clothing of an action game when it’s really something else. This marketing tactic could have been a knee-jerk solution for the notion that some people didn’t seem to know what they were playing during test. In all honesty, it’s a fine game. The on-field inclusion of the commanding entity in what would otherwise be a very straightforward RTS really upped the ante for this genre… but it is a genre that brings with it routine and convention. I’m thinking that Tower Defense fans (of all denominations) find themselves in similar straits.
Or maybe it failed because Lock looks like the main character of Boktai.
What You Missed Out On:
My feeling about games in this genre are pretty easy to summarize: “Fuck Tower Defense.” A game where you stare at a screen and literally watch dudes walk single-file for five minutes at a time is not a game to me; it is a sociological experiment, one situated just above the “hit the button, take the cheese” Pavlovian dynamic of your average Facebook app. Lock knows my pain, which is why he’s opted to take the fight from the tower right down to the god damn streets. Your automatic defenses serve only to aid you in taking down your mechanized adversary yourself – by your onesy. Solo. With a wrench. However, as the war progresses so do your “Archineering” skills, allowing you to build new defenses and layouts with the parts you scavenge from your fallen enemies. Put succinctly, it’s a Tower Defense game where you’re actually doing something, and that is Tower Defense done right.
Startopia
At one point in my life, a person could ask me if I’ve ever played Startopia and my answer would inevitably be “No, I’ve no idea what you’re on about, please let me shit in peace.” Nowadays, the role is inverted, with other people informing me of their ignorance toward Startopia (and also admonishing my presence in their bathroom.) Startopia is a life-sim/RTS, which would normally prohibit a game from occupying my cone of cognizance simply for being so. Although I have played and enjoyed a few RTS’s here and there, it’s a genre that I’m generally all to happy to be ignorant of. If you’re curious as to why, read the last entry.
As I understand it, Startopia’s introduction was met with stellar reviews and widespread acclaim; nil happened after that. That is to say, nothing. Sales were abysmal, the developer went under and you hear nary a word about this game anymore, even among PC gaming enthusiasts. The only reason I know of this game is because I’m lucky enough to have friends with good taste.
What You Missed Out On:
While Startopia does technically fit into the RTS category, the high marks it received seemed to focus on what the game took away from RTS conventions, which bucks the “more-is-better” trend that most RTS franchises seem to wallow in. For one, the economy is much more streamlined in contrast to other games of this type. It doesn’t pick nits with resources, possibly due to the game’s lack of a combat element, and causality between trade strategies and supply/demand are subtly apparent to the player – it’s a great thing.
Two, it takes your typical RTS bravado, punches it in the stomach, throws it nonchalantly into an escape pod and sends it spaceworthy. In its place? A large, red button with a smiley face upon it which reads “Don’t Panic”. This is the closest video games have ever gotten to successfully channeling Douglas Adams, bouncing one quirk (racial behaviors) off of another (personalities of the people you trade with) off of another (the narrator, ever a paragon of snarky omniscience, voiced by William Franklyn of THHGTTG radio show fame… as if the point needed to be further pressed.) Startopia treats you to many different stimuli on both the emotional and intellectual levels – always smiling, usually laughing.
iNinja
Mascot games are an unfashionable holdover from a time when gaming’s core demographic were mostly fart-obsessed, pubescent malcontents drawn to equally douchey anthropomorphic animal characters decked out whit a backwards ball cap and nauseating oodles of ‘toon ‘tude. It was an embarrassing time to be a teenager, sure; it’s even more embarrassing to walk into a store as a gaming adult and still have to confront the industry’s tenacious grip on obsolete marketing concepts. Never-minding that I can no longer relate to a teenage boy’s persistently aimless rage (see, my anger is more well-defined nowadays), I and most males from my generation bear enough cynicism to know when another cynic is trying to felch us. Most of these characters share the same imitative, superficial traits: vague rebelliousness, big heads and a willingness to commit expedient murder in mindless pursuit of golden baubles. And then here comes iNinja:
“I’m angry because I know I’m FUCKED.”
What You Missed Out On:
One helluva platforming buffet, that’s what. Being that iNinja was developed during the sixth generation (when well-made platformers were actually still profitable), there stood a risk of trying to outdo the other guy by awkwardly cramming in a bunch of disparate play mechanics and having it come out a basket of brightly-colored stinknuggets. But rather than being a jumbled, unevenly-paced Jack-Of-All-Trades-Master-Of-None, we have a seamless cornucopia of contemporary design elements that actually complement each other. Platforming sections often transition into wide-open fighting areas, displaying a tacit understanding of traditional stage design with a real talent for adapting into then-trendy concepts (such as the “Stylish Action” mechanic made popular by Devil May Cry.) Other more linear stages feature acrobatic, zero-gravity footraces or Monkey Ball-esque obstacle courses. For platforming fans, it’s like a goddamn toybox.
Another thing worth mentioning are the game’s cut-scenes. Sure, cutscenes haven’t been a big deal since 1997 and are now generally regarded with some leering contempt thanks to rampant abuse of the concept (you got that, Square-Enix? You listenin’?) However, do you know of many games can boast cutscenes created by animation luminary DON FRIGGING BLUTH? Yeah, that’s right: Dragon’s Lair Don Bluth? Did the cutscenes for iNinja. Oh, and the Ninja was voiced by Billy West, of Futurama and Ren and Stimpy fame. You couldn’t put more animation pedigree behind iNinja if you dug up Chuck Jones and had him hand-animate the motion loops in-game (but only when people weren’t watching.)
Part Two soon… soooooooooooon.
