Bear with me now – this could get complicated.
How possible would it be for someone to possess a homebrew kit for a console that wouldn’t ostensibly be released to the public for another two years?
The Enthusiast Gaming Press: “pwned” by viral marketing. Again. Like Wile E. Motherfucking Coyote.
So what took them so long, exactly? Atlus has finally decided to localize and publish Steal Princess, one game that I have been personally following since late 2007… for reasons that may escape many, many people.
If there are any others out there who have also been keeping a steady eye on this, they did so doubtlessly because they were intrigued by the unusual amalgam of 3-D platforming action and spatial puzzle-solving, the massive breadth of content (over 150 levels), the ability to share and customize your own level designs and lastly, eye-patches. Though, even these intrepid few would probably find themselves loathe to be making this purchase in public as this shit be moe as fuck.
If so, too bad it never materialized. That would have been all of a guaranteed purchase in this household, regardless of the small library or the apparent lack of interest from third party publishers in bringing their properties over. Unfortunately, the best that an NGPC diehard could hope for at this point would be a possible compilation of those few great games on a newer handheld, recreated respectfully and accurately, mindless of potential overhead/profit conversion and making a quick, glitchy buck off of the corpse of fondly remembered franchises.
Right. And I’m hung like a mule.
I suppose that, technically, such an action could be called a “Heart Punch” – which I thought was illegal.
For most Beat ‘Em Up fans, the genre seemed to end on a pretty impressive – if somewhat cataclysmic – note with the release of 2006’s God Hand, the final entry in the portfolio of the venerated Clover Studio (best known for creating Viewtiful Joe, another hallmark exploration into the science of smacking thugs around). Since then, we’ve had various detours into this mostly-abandoned realm. Maybe something open-ended like Dead Rising or possibly spliced with RPG conventions such as in The World Ends With You. Aside from those few diluted forays, however, there hasn’t been anything like the quarter munching, to-the-right-walking days in the arcades of yesteryear where haymakers got the job accomplished regardless of whether the opposing side was brandishing munitions from all limbs and orifices or not. Jump plus kick was how you thwarted an international incident as well as score yourself some free burgers. It was a simpler time.
Atlus has always been the niche-gamer’s best drinking buddy, but now it seems that someone over at their U.S. offices has been on a recent beatdown bender as their newly-announced title has nary a waifish youth nor a snarky, violent princess to be seen.
Instead we have cops, gritted teeth, a fist full of cheese and the promise of a glorious resurrection. Let’s just hope that Tokyo Beat Down doesn’t deal in broken promises – just broken kneecaps.
If the indie-pendant and Flash game design scene maintains its current velocity, the big-budget dev/publisher model might be staring headlong down the barrel of obsolescence in the not-too-distant future. Meanwhile, the average Ramen-during-the-week-and -pizza-on-a-payday gamer who finds him/herself perpetually tapped for funds will endlessly reap the benefit of this modest entity. In addition to that, a boutique studio being free and clear of any corporate pecking orders means that many of these small projects are usually big on risky ideas.
In a seemingly measured response to this, many larger publishers have been taking strides towards making what is a typically pricey hobby more accessible to a casual audience and in the process, fomenting a similar push for gaming concepts that shouldn’t be ignored by the core. All of this is happening right in front of you, with a cornucopia of innovative and creative concepts not more than a few steps – or keystrokes – away from your address bar. In short, it’s a path worth trodding upon with no undue cost or inconvenience to you, Johnny Thumbtwitcher. There’s no punishment for jumping feet first into this fountain.
So today, our inaugural Zenny Pincher Spotlight shines towards newly-anointed fan-fave 5th Cell’s bacterially themed, puzzley-tasting chain-o-rama, D.N.A. It’s technically a trial download but at a bulk span of 60 minutes, finishing the main quest shouldn’t be too much of a jog.
I know, I know. I could have started with something a bit more obscure and, well, “free” in the technical definition. But this a baby blog, and we measure progress in baby steps. If it pleases the reader, he may be treated to an after-dinner nosh of Death Worm, which is a Game Maker effort that righteously kicks a Sally Struthers-portion of ass.
Edit: Obviously, the main quest can’t be finished. We make regular practice of pulling claims, fresh from the anus. Apologies.
Out of the many mental tracks that The Dark Knight invites its audience to ruminate upon, only one had managed to ensnare my curiosity for close to the entire length of the movie:
Batpod:
Possible Prototype:
Waynetech puts the Strong Hand on Disney? Okay, then.
It’s this thing called Sumotori.
Some might call it a broken game but take a second to consider the physics involved in the activity you have just witnessed. Warped-ass controls? Sure, that’s apparent enough. But the way that the cages interact with each other is simply superlative, and that takes a fair amount of work. This is what must happen now: a major publisher should pick up Sumotori and repackage it for domestic distribution as the keystone entry in a new “Hobolympics” franchise.
It’ll be bigger than AIDS. Just watch.
A decade post-release, I finally own a computer that’s wily and robust enough to crunch all the polygons necessary to enjoy Grim Fandango without wishing that the lag would kill me outright so that I could experience being in the Land of the Dead firsthand. It’s been a challenging walkthrough so far, in much the same way that eating sushi for the first time challenges one’s preconceptions as to what should and shouldn’t go in your mouth. Hopefully, I’ll be able to put a decently concise review together sometime soon.
And hey, look at the barging synchronicity! Tim Shafer has made the original design doc for Grim Fandango available for public consumption, and in weighty PDF form, no less. This was obviously done in celebration of me finally getting to play this after all these years.
Aw, Tim. You shouldn’t have.
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